Slumped in an easy chair in a Premier Inn bar
Beer and wine settling on top of his dinner
Drooling over female television presenters
Hardly an athlete; he could be much thinner
“If I wasn’t married
Given half a chance”
“I would” he proclaims
“Without second glance”*
How has this male whale
With all of his blubber
Ever been wed?
Perhaps she’s not real, but just made of rubber?
n.b. I despair.
n.n.b. * He is from North, so speaks that way.