Apply new rules and boundaries
Bingo! You’re in charge!
n.b. The need of many people to have control of as much as possible in life seems to be rooted in anxiety.
Exerting control of the immediate environment and surrounding people reduces initial anxiety levels. It leads to very tidy living spaces and regular habits, but can also make relationships difficult to sustain. It can lead to the dropping of friends, partners, even close family members, who may not comply, or play along with the individual’s need to completely run their own show as a way to reduce anxiety.
Of course, we all want the world to stop from time to time. Life has many challenges and other people are wriggly and inconsistent, hard to read and strangely human. “Hell is other people” wrote Jean-Paul Sartre and for some this can be true, but thankfully people can learn and change.
Living alongside, working with and loving people is hard work from time to time, as (thankfully) people can never be totally controlled, despite the endeavours of authoritarians.
It seems that learning to ride the peaks and troughs created by other people, being inclusive and learning to enjoy a bit of give and take, (although tricky for an anxious person – me included), is the healthiest approach.
We need someone to show us how to live in such a way, ideally this would have been our parents, but if that hasn’t been possible, we must look out for each other by offering helping hands, sharing and loving.
I believe that if we can enjoy the happiness of others, then happiness will come to us.
Happiness is other people…ask any grandmother!