On Numbers 530

It doesn’t matter

how many yards it is there

if it’s the wrong way


n.b. The old English game of twisting signposts around, or even removing them in case any odd foreign types think of invading, continues. I think some of us are beginning to realise that the reason these islands have not been invaded for such a long time, at least not overtly since the Welsh Tudors took over with the help of the French in CE 1485, is that nobody can be bothered with us…except Alexander Johnson’s Russian exile backers.

There will be some sadness as the EU waves the UK au revoir, but I am sure they have bigger fish to fry. They’ll get over it soon enough. It was a bitter-sweet affair from the start. Stuff happens; move on.


CLP 22/10/2020


Crunching east on stony beach

With the westerly

Encouraging me to move along

With uncalled for shoves to my spine

Like an impatient copper

Clearing an unruly popular terrace

Causing me to stumble

As I stagger on loose pebbles

Waves tumble in

Wash through shingle

The rage of sea repressed

By this burly bully at our backs

My lips licked by briny spray

Sunglasses spotted with tear-salt smears

Ears wind-burnt

The white noise of breaking horses

Fills the air, all but deafens


Clear and shrill like blue-lighting sirens

Heading into battle

Against the insistent blows

With scratchy screeches

Wings like knives

Cutting through

Slicing and dicing

Contradicting the force

They stick to their intended course

Zigger-zagger dancing

Toward the setting sun


CLP 23/05/2020


No handshakes at start

Until goals are scored with glee

Team hugs are OK?


n.b. How dumb are the football authorities? Ross Barkley at Chelsea was right in there on Sunday after every goal scored against his former team, Everton, embracing, pressing his head like a young bullock into the juvenile herd. In the olden days a handshake was often quite enough. Thank you for the recognition, chums.

BBC Match of the Day 2 ended its programme yesterday with top celebrations. I switched the programme off at this point. They showed the best ever celebration at the start of the programme; Dennis Law after his back-heeled goal for Manchester City that confirmed relegation of Manchester United in the 1970s. Dennis Law just walked back to position for the re-start despite the attention of his joyous team-mates.


CLP 09/03/2020

Not Again!

More bloody football!

It’s Monday! Television –

Remote controller


n.b. Matches scheduled to spread the output of live entertainment for armchair spectators means that football is played for television broadcast seven days a week.

I could go on, but Arsenal FC are coming to town and I have things to do before the game this evening.

CLP 02/03/2020

By Tomorrow

Valentine’s Day will

Have slipt over horizon

And football returns


n.b. Perfect timing, a home fixture on 15th February! A good excuse for a quiet night in and an early night, for tomorrow there is a match to be played and all this 🌹forgotten.

(Of course, everyday is Valentine’s Day. Love to everyone, where ever you are xx).


CLP 14/02/2020

On Football Car Parking

Do you want your car looking after, sir?

During the match, sir?

Only half a crown, sir?

Not to bother, son. I’ve a dog. See?

Ah yeah! That’s a great big dog, sir

Fierce too, I bet.

His name’s Vicious, if you need a clue

Yep, he looks like a smart dog

Tell me, sir

Can your fierce, smart dog put out a car fire?


n.b. Moral: Pay the boy and your car will be still where you parked it and in good condition when the match is over.

n.n.b. Thank you to Danny for the joke.


CLP 12/02/2020