4’33” (after John Cage)

To be read in your head only. Understood? Now 1/2/3/4 begin.

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…I thank you. Encore? No, it is too much! I am exhausted from the effort of this composition. It is too much. I must rest. Thank you.

I will release this on SoundCloud as soon as copyright issues are clarified. Thank you.

~

n.b. NaPoWriMo 2021 Day Twenty-six prompt: parody. I have chosen John Cage’s classical piece 4’33”. Please remember to press the “Unmute” button in YouTube when you follow the link.

~

CLP 26/04/2021

The Sheepish Inspector Clueslow

I had pulled on a sock

when came a knock

that morn at six o’clock

I got a shock

at my door stood a flock

of lambs and rams and ewes

“Why have you no shoes?

This does not amuse

when we bring news

of developments and clues.”

Encouraged to dash

I dressed in a flash

grabbed loose cash

into the rain did splash

“Where are we heading?”

I asked, still warm from bedding

following the sheep’s treading

through petals blown from hedging

in the direction of Reading.

“It is quite a way”

a lamb turned to say

“for such a wet day

on paths of clay

but we must not delay.”

We moved apace

I got red of face

joining the chase

for news on the case

that took much space

in the daily press

I’d had little success

evidence all a mess

no suspect would confess

I was under duress

to solve the crime

under pressure of time

no longer in my prime

as we hit a hill to climb

I called out ‘Wait! I’m…”

but the sheep rushed on

I had to stay strong

it would not be long

they’ve not been wrong

always on song

when called upon

by their sense of duty

to come and help me

after I had set free

a ram mistakenly

charged with animal cruelty.

At last they stopped

by a tree just lopped

where they had copped

a man I’d once shopped

but who free had hopped

to continue with his trade

that always dismayed

showing crime might pay

by his ostentatious display

of ill-gotten gains

“So it was you! At last!”

I weakly gasped

his look aghast

to have his past

have the laugh last

and catch him so

“Did you not know

I might be slow

but despite aggro

will never let go

if some two-timing, cheating, lying, rustling crook like you ever crosses me. I always win in the end, because, unlike you, I have friends.”

The sheep and I took the criminal to the police station, then set off to the local pub for a celebratory beer, but with no luck.

Apparently, the landlord had recently had difficulty with this flock, something to do with illegal gambolling, so they were all barred.

~

n.b. NaPoWriMo 2021 A Skeltonic for a Friday.

NaPoWriMo

~

CLP 16/04/2021

L3 (Day 78.5): On Air (ii)

Big mouth strikes again.

Three hours out and a puncture

Took wind from my sails

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n.b. Hahahahahahahahahahaha 🙄

~

CLP 25/03/25

On Numbers 530

It doesn’t matter

how many yards it is there

if it’s the wrong way

~

n.b. The old English game of twisting signposts around, or even removing them in case any odd foreign types think of invading, continues. I think some of us are beginning to realise that the reason these islands have not been invaded for such a long time, at least not overtly since the Welsh Tudors took over with the help of the French in CE 1485, is that nobody can be bothered with us…except Alexander Johnson’s Russian exile backers.

There will be some sadness as the EU waves the UK au revoir, but I am sure they have bigger fish to fry. They’ll get over it soon enough. It was a bitter-sweet affair from the start. Stuff happens; move on.

~

CLP 22/10/2020

On Numbers 20

There is a limit

But please, don’t worry yourself

Nobody’s counting

~

n.b. Of late the UK speed limit signs have become absolutely pointless pieces of street furniture, unless you consider them to be essential props in the black humour of the living art installation that is Brexit Britain.

~

CLP 21/10/2020