On Cigarettes

he announced I have given up!

six weeks and it’s rare I feel the lack

I knew just what he meant

having given up on us

but he omitted

how raw that rare

how this rare is more like blue

there is still a pulse

when the knife goes in

I twitch

~

CLP 25/07/2021

On Hope

see, you have survived

but how was this possible?

your heart was broken

~

CLP 20/07/2021

On Routine

keep on keeping on

however much it’s hurting

one step at a time

~

CLP 17/07/2021

On Proof

words had made no sense

so you placed my hand inside

your heart packed with ice

~

CLP 15/07/2021

On Summer

the heavens opened

rain filled in every hollow

she’d spat out her heart

~

CLP 10/07/2021

Dream #13

your careful choice of words

so free and easily phrased

sparks spectacular reactions

at the back of my mind

guarantee confusion of sleep

with memory

in reality you exist only in nightmares

in truth I fear you

no longer

~

n.b. Echoes of past lives carried in words. History / Herstory.

~

CLP 06/06/2021

On Hope Sparked In a Slowly Fracturing Heart

How to shift / this heavy shroud / darkening day / shadowing night

eyes blinded / purgatory / lived in present / desolation

sunlight floods bedroom / I awake / stiffened resolve / choice exists

~

n.b. NaPoWriMo 2021 Day Twenty Prompt: Sijo to your heart’s content:

3/4/4/4

3/4/4/4

5/3/4/3

~

CLP 20/04/2021

L3 (Day 44): Early Morning

Woken by the first alarm calls at territorial intrusions, alerts and disputes of airspace and protection of nests at 04:45h.

Then disturbed again at 05:17h by shouting from a distant street. A man’s raised voice echoes through the break of day. Again from closer at 05:32, yet still a way from here. Is he heard by others? What ails him? It sounds like anger.

Is he wandering the city alone? Is someone else at risk? How did this start? How will it end, as it must?

~

CLP 19/02/2021

On Mercury

Retrograde movement

an optical illusion

Orpheus, don’t look!

~

n.b. Apparently there is a bit of thing when Mercury is backsliding for nostalgia. Being grateful for the good things is one thing, wallowing in the past – meh.

~

CLP 17/02/2021

Lockdown 3 (Day 25): Inside

A voice message. I hear the sadness, pain and anguish among the words, the breath, the hesitation and fluctuating voice. It is clear. My heart aches to hear it. There is no way to be there, to wrap arms around, to comfort.

A telephone conversation. I hear the deep breath before confession. I hear what I already thought was so. Apologies are unnecessary. I am grateful for the respect this honesty shows. Thank you for the courage you found to speak. I am relieved to find the story I built around lies can be re-constructed with truths.

A text. I see the angry confusion that comes from frustration; witness the retreat. I recognise the reaction, the wounded withdrawal to safety. This is not my family. It is not for me to intervene. My white charger is out to pasture, but I am here if needed.

~

CLP 30/01/2021