Comédie Larmoyante

Comédie Larmoyante

Blame the stars
Blame the planets
Blessed coincidence
No one knows their true origin
Perhaps it was the simultaneous
Powercuts wiping out the National Grid
That fateful night
Preventing the big cup game being played
So after tears of frustration
With little other entertainment to hand
Two unexpectant couples
Became expectant parents

Tears of joy at confirmation
Of expectation
And celebration
(The Cup was won!)

Born on the same day
In different towns
Tears of pain at birthing
Tears of relief: A boy!
Tears of wonder: A girl!
Tears from shock of the violent
Expulsion from the womb’s haven
In different towns

Through teenage tears
The first hormonal phase
Full of momentary self-hating fears
Of wiry hairs and swelling bumps
And changing bits
Untimely urges and sticky moments
Adolescence: The Lachrymose Years
When there is always something
Flowing
From somewhere

And then up they grew
And away they flew
To discover tears of laughter
With people of their ilk
As they studied and worked
Learnt to not cry
At what good friends said
Was just spilt milk

Valentine’s Day
That spiteful date
A cause of tears that do not abate
No card? No flowers?
Over-looked? Forgotten?
Stood up? Blanked?
A charlatan? A cheat?
Brings the pain of loneliness
Tears can’t just wash away
Oh how they dreaded St Valentine’s Day

Around it came again, again
Like some dastardly comet
Purveyor of gloom
Shops full of cards
Roses in bloom
Their thorns rubbing salt
into romantics’ wounds
Such bitter tears were shed
For believing it true
There’s someone out there
Perfect for you

And so on the next night
15th of Feb
These two lonesome people
Crawled out of their beds
Resolved to stop
Their unstoppable sobbing
There’s nobody out there
For whom I’m worth keeping
These simultaneous crises
Were unaccompanied by crying
It cheered each up
These thoughts of dying

As midnight approached
Each sought out the river
Looked for a bench
To stop and reflect
on life’s miseries
Was it too early to throw myself in?
How long has it been
since I ate my dinner?

Of course, the only bench
Each thought would be free
That missed a plank
Beneath the weeping willow tree
Was where they met
And each sat in silence
Waiting for the other to depart
They sat and waited and waited still
Until her late dinner played its part
And she emitted a little parp

On such a dark silent night
No one on Earth could pretend they hadn’t heard her cute emission
And giggles began that wouldn’t stop
With all the giggles and hysteric laughter
You can imagine how her dinner reacted
What happened next must be redacted
But to say laughter cleared the air
Would be exaggeration
But they made the most of the gaseous situation

Eventually they retreated from the riverside
With tears still rolling from their eyes
To their respective beds to rest
Agreeing to meet again
Next day was best

~

n.b. It is on days like this when a nom de plume might have been handy. C’est la vie. 

CLP 01/04:2025